CHAPTER 14a Love is the answer?   "Bo, look. Look!" I laughed as I climbed up out of my sorrow and began ascending this ladder of love. My other-self was still wallowing in my tears. He just shrugged. "It's the wrong dream, Jack," he said matter-of-factly as he floated further and further away. "There are only 3 questions in this dream. Three Big Questions!" "But...Well, maybe this is really the most important of all Questions. I mean, thinking about Life and Death and Reality... that's all well and fine, but now that I'm tasting it, it doesn't seem that important. I mean I'm realizing that we're all really so alone, and I guess all my life I've just really been searching for someone to share it all with..." I looked back up, and there She was, and she was getting closer, and the Chapter's throbbing letters of desire made my heart soar. When I looked back down I saw I was very high, and Bo was so far away. "Well, I sighed, and my hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding. "I've got to go for it. I don't need Answers anymore. Love is all that matters. Love makes us whole...love..." And then I laughed for joy as, of course, another song was filling the air. No more Searching. No more Waiting for answers that can't be found. No more Longing. No more Listening for an unheard silent sound. 'Cause I found you. You brought the Light into the night. You made it right. I found you. You gave me hope. Taught me how to cope with the night. You brought me Life. I was drifting on an endless ocean. I had a notion I'd always be alone. You came by sailing, my heart went trailing, At last I felt at home. 'Cause I found you. You brought the Light into the night. You made it right. I found you. You gave me hope. Taught me how to cope with the night. You brought me Life. I finally reached the top rung and with a renewed strength that only love can bring, I pulled myself effortlessly up to the Higher Plane and ran towards the Love Chapter. She was getting clearer now. More and more real. They say love is just a feeling, a need to be fulfilled. But there's an emptiness deep inside me, my heart keeps trying to fill. Yet all those loves are but reflections of a dream of ONE TRUE LOVE. And you are all those dreams come true, yes you are all those dreams come true, and how I love you... She was smiling, and another foreshadowing future-flash flowed through my soul and I saw us together in the rain. But it wasn't a rain of pain. The droplets were sweet and wonderful and we were together, forever. Dancing in the rain with you. Teardrops falling from my eyes. 'Cause I can't believe it's true I found a love like you. Holding you close, I never want to let you go. And the rain washes our cares away, Laughing all through the day with you. Dancing in the rain...   My heart was about to burst because She was standing there before me, reaching out Her arms, and the world was about to be filled with Wonder as we touched for the first time, and we embraced, and kissed, and when I finally opened my eyes... My Perfect Vision of Love had turned into Jill again. I guess she sensed my disappointment, because she looked so hurt, and she pulled away from me and sat down in front of the Chapter. "Jack," she whispered, not daring to look at me. She turned sadly to face the Chapter, and she knew I was afraid to walk inside with her. The warm glow was gone. It's true that Jill looked beautiful, but she wasn't my perfect match. We didn't really have that much in common. Not really. And she didn't really know the me inside. I knew she could never touch my soul. She could never be that Vision of True Love, and we could never live happily ever after. Jill was crying as the clouds were forming around my brain once again, and a song tried to shed some light on the darkness that enveloped me. All those pretty Dreams, how they taunted me to believe they would be true. I'd find a Perfect Girl, live in a Perfect World, and all pain would be through. But as I went through time I found that only in my mind could I see that reality. Life is just a dream with nothing as it seems, I know I'll not be free. Well I guess I'm just an ordinary guy. So I'll find myself an ordinary girl. I'll live my life in an ordinary world of dreams. I guess I'm just an ordinary guy, that's all it means! But the song couldn't reach me. So another song tried to convince me that I shouldn't let the Vision of LOVE blind me from finding love. I don't believe in happily ever after, but I believe in love. I'm just a fool who rather dream than try to live in this world. But I want someone to share my life with me. I want to hold her, and love her with all my heart. I don't know how long we will be together; but as long as we are, I will love her... It was no use. I had seen True Love. No mortal could ever fulfill that Vision. But I would search for Her forever, and I would settle for nothing less than True Love. Suddenly an elevator door opened in midair, and Id peeked his head out. "You know," he began, "in the beginning there was LOVE. This Ultimate power and energy manifested itself as two consciousnesses -- Yin and Yang, or Adam and Eve, if you will. Every man and woman has descended from them. Every woman is Eve's consciousness 'reincarnated' throughout time in bodies of infinite diversity, clothed in facets of the complex simplicity of her personality. No mortal offspring can ever capture Eve's perfection, for she is the Ideal in a perfect world that has never been. And yet, all women are Eve, just as you are all men..." Jill was smiling as she nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Listen to him, Jack..." Id continued. "And when a man and woman fall in love, they feel the Ultimate in its purest form, for in that moment of love they have become ONE, transgressing the limitations of their physical bodies in a physical world. In fact whenever people "love" others with compassion and empathy, giving completely of themselves, without expecting anything in return, in a wondrous instant they FEEL that Ultimate, they feel our true nature -- they feel LOVE. Don't you get it?" "Nope!" I snapped, and I hit the elevator button. The door closed on Id's smug smile and he disappeared, leaving me in a choking haze of confusion. I was empty, completely devoid of all feeling. I watched in my stupor as the nasty little cherubs that I'd seen in Heaven popped out of the ground and fell from the skies. And they led Jill away from me into the Darkness. Now, part of me wanted to scream and run after her. But I didn't budge. Only after she was gone did I feel a great, deep loss, like a part of me had just been ripped away. But I wouldn't even admit that much to myself. I was too preoccupied, because the Cherubs were rolling the Chapter up, and my heart was screaming with pain. "No!" I gasped, and I leaped forward. "My True Love is waiting for me in there!" The cherubs lunged at me, like swarms of bees, tackling me to the ground. But I kept rising to my feet, and they fired at me with their arrows. The sharp points pierced my soul, but I would not stop. The pain was so great, but I struggled on, and then the Chapter was gone, and they pushed me over the edge of that great plane I had ascended, and I fell from the lofty perch, and plunged back down towards Despair. But as I fell, my heart cried out for Love. In this whole wide world there's only one girl that I can love forever. Don't know where to find her, but someday I will. And then we'll be together, forever...and ever... Somewhere my love is waiting, somewhere my love waits for me. Someday we'll be together, my love and me!   Fortunately, good ol' Bo was there to catch me and my broken heart. "Look, Jack," he sighed, trying to console my disappointment. "You've still got me. I'm always there to share it all!" I pulled away from his grip and frantically reached up to the Heavens, searching for the Chapter of Love. But it was gone, and I turned back to my friend and saw hurt and jealousy, and I was surprised. I put my arm around him. "Look, Bo. You're the greatest and all. And of course, you're my closest friend, forever and ever. But Love is...well, Love is something I've always dreamed about. I mean I always had this happily ever after vision of Love. It was going to be special when I finally found my One True Love. I mean, well, in real life we've got Jill, and she's great and all, don't get me wrong... but...well, she isn't the Love I Dreamed about." I blinked and saw that I was suddenly lying on a black leather couch. Bo was sporting a curly moustache and he looked quite stuffy in a crumpled brown suit. "Would you like to tell me about it?" he inquired with a monotonous detached voice. "I..." I sighed, and then Bo was counting backwards from a hundred, and I started to drift off, and my mouth was spurting out my deepest longings like a leaky faucet. "Well, I always believed there was a Perfect match just for me somewhere in the world. I used to lie awake at night whispering my phone number to the darkness, honestly believing that She would hear my thoughts and She would call me, and suddenly life would no longer be so mundane. There would be Magic and there would be Love, and God would be Alive, and the skies would open up, and God would wave his hand and right all the wrongs, and my True Love and I would be in the Garden of Eden, and we would live happily ever after in eternal bliss..." Bo was slapping my face. "Snap out of it, Jack. This is nauseating. Come on, we've got important Questions to answer. Just forget about this eternal Love crap." But when he slapped me, it finally shook some sense into me. I saw them leading Jill away in my mind's eye, and I knew what I had done. I broke into tears. "No, Bo. Love is the most important thing. I know that now. I just want to go home and hold Jill..." "Wait a second, Jack. Jill can't read your mind, and the skies didn't open up when you met, and we certainly aren't living happily ever after with her..." "I know Bo, but suddenly I'm realizing that there will never be Magic in life. Never. That wonderful, blissful, head-over-heels-in-love feeling that you first feel when you fall in love, it can't last. You're just blinded by Love and you project all the ideals of Love onto that person, and they can never live up to it." "Exactly!" "But, by working on a relationship, and devoting yourself to that person you've chosen, you'll have someone special to share your life with, you'll have a friend, your closest friend... and it's so much better than having to walk through this lonely life alone...And each person helps his mate when he stumbles, and together you can try to share some of the many happiness in life with the people you care about -- your friends and family, and others life brings you..." Bo sighed. "We went over all this at the beginning of the Chapter, Jack, and it's as boring now as it was then!" I pulled a pillow over my head and threw myself down. (The couch had apparently turned into a bed!) "I'm not getting up, Bo," I groaned. "I've thrown away the best thing I ever had. I'm going to just sleep forever...until I wake up and I have Jill back..." I cried until I drifted off to sleep. When I awoke, Bo was impatiently puffing away on a cigar as he rocked back and forth in a chair beside the bed. "I'm still here?" I moaned. "That's right, pal. You gettin' up yet?" "NO!" I grunted and pulled the pillow down harder. This time as I drifted off, one of those darn songs rocked me to sleep, reminding me of what I'd lost. Slept all day today, Couldn't find a way to convince myself it would be a new day. How else can I say what I have to say: I need you! I need you! I can't see the sky, I need you! How loud can I cry: I need you! There's nothing I can do without you! Come hold me, I'm lost without your love. Come love me. Can't live without your love. Come show me the love that I first knew with you. I need you. Searching for the sun, Hoping life will come, but only you can make me smile. How else can I say what I have to say, I need you! I refused to open my eyes, but my back was killing me. I tried to stretch and turn and nothing felt right. "Oh Bo. I don't want to be dead anymore," I moaned, finally sitting up. No answer. "Bo!" I gasped trying to find him through the darkness. "Uh, coming," Bo called, and as he came running into view, he tossed off a party hat, brushed off confetti, flipped away one of those Hawaiian flower rings, and wriggled out of a wet suit, before he dove back into his chair, picked up a magazine, and then put it down, pretending he'd been sitting there the whole time. I did a double take and almost forgot about my sadness. "You ready to get up, pal?" Bo wheezed. And then the pathos hit me again like a brick wall. "Yes, Bo, I want to live. I want to go back home, wake up and have my life back." "It has been a long night," Bo agreed. "Well, how do I get back?" I demanded. "Click your heels three times and say there's no place like home...pinch yourself...I don't know what to tell you, pal. It's your dream!" "We...we've got to figure it out. I've had enough of this philosophic nonsense. I just want to live my life and forget about these questions. They really don't matter. I just want to hold my wife and kids, and live each moment to the fullest. I never really appreciated the things I had. I was always waiting for 'things to work out.' Well, I know now, whatever life deals you, make the best of it...Help me, Bo. I want to go home." "What, you think I'm your guardian angel? You're no Jimmy Stewart rushing home to tell Donna Reed how much you love her, pal. They would never have consented to be in this script! They only played wholesome, or at least normal characters. Normal people don't think the thoughts you think, Jack. They don't question life so much that they forget how to live, and they don't kill themselves in their dreams so that they can learn how to live again. They just live, Jack. This is your dream; you figure it out!" I was about to start balling again when Bo gave me a good, swift kick in the pants. "You can quit making such a fuss, Jack. Here comes another Chapter…" I really wasn't interested at all in exploring any more chapters, thank you very much. I gritted my teeth together, clamped my eyes closed tighter and stood my ground. "What the…" Bo grumbled as he was apparently reading the next chapter heading. "What's The Meaning of Life?" he groaned. "Dude, we already sent this one away - it doesn't belong in this dream!" "The Meaning of Life … YES…" I thought. Another chance to ANSWER the one Question I knew the answer to, even if it was one of my original 3 BIG Questions. I was just about to proudly declare that the meaning of life is to live each moment to the fullest with the people you love, when something whacked me in the head. "Hey!" I protested and stared up accusingly at Bo, but he was engrossed at the moment, fiddling with a GameBoy he apparently found by the entrance to the Chapter. I looked down and saw a small book that must have sailed out of the chapter to strike me. "The Book of Peacetopia" I read in gold-embossed letters. What that could possibly have to do with "The Meaning of Life" I had no idea, but a gust of wind came out of nowhere and blew the book open and I couldn't help reading out loud the words that floated out to me like holy scriptures. THE BOOK OF PEACETOPIA 1:0 An Infinite Number of Universes 1:1 From a Singularity of Love an infinite number of Universes were created, each with varying intensities of the Force of Love. 1:2 Each universe has evolved towards the goal of creating Life so that the Infinite can experience itself. 1:3 Consciousness is the result of the Infinite experiencing itself through an individual life. 1:4 The cosmic laws that govern each universe revolve around the force of love in relation to the intensity of the force of love present in that universe - the more intense, the more the universal laws revolve around protecting and nurturing life; the less intense the force of love, the more the laws revolve around competition, aggression and the struggle to survive. 1:5 The course of evolution in each universe aims to expand levels of consciousness to better experience the infinite. 1:6 In each universe Love is the essential force that expands consciousness. 1:7 The more intense the force of love as the guiding principle in a particular universe, the easier it is for consciousness to expand, and the easier it will be for an enlightened consciousness to further guide the universe towards a higher level of evolution. 1:8 The highest evolved Universe is Peacetopia, where there is only joy, and life and love and peace are forever. 1:9 The purpose of life is to nurture the force of love to help evolve the Universe towards a higher level of consciousness. I was just getting to the heart of the supposed 'meaning of life' when Bo grabbed the book from my hands. Apparently my reading was disturbing his game-playing. "I almost had the next level!" he sneered. I gasped. "Hey that was really interesting…" I protested. It was integrating Love and evolving consciousness and who knows what other truths into one cohesive truth … I was truly heart-broken as I looked up at Bo. I felt as if some great truth I was just starting to realize had been snatched away. Past Bo I saw the Chapter waiting patiently for us. Inside I saw the Peacetopian universe the little book had been trying to tell me about. Peacetopia was amazing. It was beautiful. It was perfect. Bo shook his head and nonchalantly tossed the book over his shoulder. It sailed straight into the Chapter. As it splashed inside, it sent ripples across the wondrous vision, and when they subsided, Peacetopia was gone. I groaned in horror. Bo stared down at me. "Dude, first of all, this airy-fairy infinite-universes crap should have been in the 'Who is God' section. We already went over all that stuff…" "Yeah…" I reluctantly admitted, "but, while I was reading it, I kind of, well, I could almost really see what a Peacetopian universe would be like, and it was amazing, and I really did feel like there was some Plan and purpose and like, this strong feeling that if we can help evolve our own universe, increase the force of love, it would have a ripple effect and all the other universes would be transformed, too..." My mind was racing and I was about to launch into more reasons why I was now determined that we should take the plunge into Chapter 15, even if it was a diversion from exploring the 3 Big Questions. But Bo apparently didn't need any convincing. When I looked up, I saw that he was intently staring into the Chapter. "Dude, check this out!" he gasped, poking me in the chest. "That's the most amazing arcade I've ever seen!" He crammed the GameBoy into his pocket and grabbed my arm. I didn't protest at all as he pulled me inside the Chapter. Table of Contents | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter